Strange dream last night... I woke up disturbed. LOL, seems every time I date a guy; for the first 3 to 4 months (if I let him stick around that long), he occupies my dreams as my subconscious tries to keep up with the conscious anxieties/discomforts, etc. And, other than the occasional sexual dream, these initial dreams are rarely positive, though they can often be neutral.
This dream was not neutral.
I dreamt I was camping somewhere that had a lot of madrona trees. Not big madrona trees, but small, scraggly ones. I was roaming through them, waiting for Double A (the man I'm dating) to show up. I was not excited to see him... I was mostly nervous and apprehensive. I was lost in thought, wandering through the madrona woods, wondering what it would be like to uproot one and run with it.
I came into a clearing that I recognized... My friend J's old place. It was her property from when I was growing up, though there was a different house on it and the horse pastures were bigger, with more hills and a different set up. I was amazed to find she had 7 or 8 horses, plus several foals as I briefly pondered if she was boarding horses for extra income. My thoughts of Double A gone, I wandered into the pasture and proceeded to pet some of the horses, who seemed happy to see me.
I glanced up and saw Double A approaching where I was standing, stroking a foal on its head. He smiled as he approached. I gave a shy smile back and exited the pasture. We entered J's house and I was finally experiencing excitement at seeing him. He stood in the kitchen, me in the dining room and there was a half wall between us. He leaned over the halfwall and explained to me that him and his family were moving to Alaska. I felt devastation welling up inside of me as he explained why... something about this area making his parents sick and that they had packed up the motorhome. He leaned over the halfwall to give me a kiss... our last kiss.
Realizing this is goodbye without warning, I turned away from him and ran. I ran out of the house, across the pasture and back into the madrona woods. I was surprised to notice he was chasing me, as my fear of him catching upscared the shit out of me because I was crying and I did not want him to see me cry. I tried to pick up my pace, tried to outrun him as I remembered him mentioning he used to be a runner and knowing it was futile, that he was going to catch up to me. I reached the thick of the woods, just as Double A reached out and grasped my wrist.
This was when I woke up, so I have no idea how the dream ended.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Mess of catastrophe
Strange dreams last night. Perhaps because I was still a little drunk by the time I passed out. Not sure if it was all one dream or a couple of different ones, but I'm going to treat it as one, even though the two parts do not include the same people.
First segment of the dream requires a little bit of a setup. Basically, in real life (not the dream) I knew Double A, the guy I'm dating, was going to a New Years Eve party last night. Though he does not know this, I also used to date the brother of the guy whose party he was going to.
In the dream, I was at this restaurant with some random guy and we were sitting at the counter. Double A is behind the counter, working at the restaurant. In the dream, I am on a date with the guy I am sitting next to, though I do not want to be on a date with him as I gaze longingly at Double A, who seems to have a problem with me being on a date with this guy. I find this somewhat weird, since I'm on this date for the sole reason of Double A and I proving we are not boyfriend and girlfriend... at his request.
As the guy I'm sitting next to notices I am gazing longingly at the man I really wish I was on the date with, he gets jealous and starts putting his hand on my leg, then on my arm in an attempt to get me attention on him. As he finally possessively wraps his arm around me, Double A indicates he's going on a break and gestures for me to follow. I break away from the guy I had agreed to date at Double A's insistence that we prove to everyone we are not an item.
As I head toward where Double A was going, I keep bracing myself hopefully for him to appear around a corner and pull me into a kiss; to tell me we shouldn't be seeing other people, but should just be an item and he is okay with it. Instead, I find myself outside, suddenly at the New Year's Eve party he was at, and still no Double A. I pass by the guy I used to date whose brother was throwing the party and think about saying hi, but decide I don't want to do that until I know what is going on with Double A. Nothing like the shame of being at a party I'm only invited to because of the man I'm dating when he might have a foot out the door.
Finally, I see a park bench where Double A is seated. I'm excited as he makes eye, hoping this is it, he's wanting to be my boyfriend. As I approach where he's sitting, some chick crosses in front of me and plops down in his lap. Instead of pushing her away, Double A puts an arm around her and looks up at me, patting the empty spot next to him for me to have a seat. I stare at him blankly, completely lost for words as I realize he was being malicious, before I narrow my eyes and growl at him in a low tone of voice, "you can just fuck off!", before turning around and storming away.
As I make my way back through the party I am fuming and hurt, thinking about how I never even wanted to date that other guy but did so at his insistence and it was all just a ruse so he could date outside of us. I pass by C, the guy I used to date, and he still takes absolutely no notice of me, for which I am glad. I don't say hi as I make a B-line back to the restaurant, not caring to be seen by anyone at this point.
I walk into the restaurant and my brother-in-law is there, drinking as the place suddenly fails to be an eatery and becomes a bar. I say hi and he gestures for me to follow him as he leaves the bar and my sister joins us. We walk for a while through what appears to be a museum inside an amusement park. I am alarmed to realize the statues are alive, much like Night at the Museum, though they do not attack as my Sis and Bro-in-Law make our way through the place and toward the gate. We exit the gate and walk along a dirt road, hop in a boat and head across a bay towards what looks like my house.
"It's green," I observe, as we beach the motorboat.
"Yup," My bro-in-law replies over his shoulder as we walk up the shore.
I start to panic as I realize the beach in front of my house is degrading and falling into the sea. I point this out as I look up at my house and see that it, too, is falling apart and that the green is moldy sludge clinging to my siding as the roof sags.
"What am I going to do?" I ask of my brother in law as the waves take another sizable chunk of land from the front of my property, "It won't be long until the ocean has created a cliff for my house to collapse into!"
My bro-in-law shrugs, unconcerned as he starts back up the road again, "It'll be okay. The sea won't reach your house,"
This time, we take a road back to the bar that is in a museum that is in an amusement park. My sister parts ways with us and the living statues leave us alone as we walk through the large, ornate gate and head toward the bar. My brother in law proceeds to drink as I start to get concerned with his alcohol intake. He gets mad at me and storms off and I desperately go in search of my sister. At this point, the living statues take hostile notice of me and start stalking me. I locate my sister and manage to lose the living statues and we find ourselves on the road again, headed toward my house as we look for my brother in law. A sinking feeling manifests itself in my guts as we stumble across a bare rim to her Dodge Durango. Not far from this is more wreckage before the grand finale of the Durango laying on its side surrounded by cops.
I have no idea what happened to my brother in law as suddenly the living statues close in on me and I am running from them. Back through the gate, into the museum, where they surround me. I find myself panicked and negotiating for my life as they draw knives and I can't even tell if they understand my language enough to know what I'm saying. Not that it matters because at the point when two of the living statue warriors are closing in on me with their rusted knives, I jerked awake, sweaty and stressed out by the vivid recollection of the dream.
First segment of the dream requires a little bit of a setup. Basically, in real life (not the dream) I knew Double A, the guy I'm dating, was going to a New Years Eve party last night. Though he does not know this, I also used to date the brother of the guy whose party he was going to.
In the dream, I was at this restaurant with some random guy and we were sitting at the counter. Double A is behind the counter, working at the restaurant. In the dream, I am on a date with the guy I am sitting next to, though I do not want to be on a date with him as I gaze longingly at Double A, who seems to have a problem with me being on a date with this guy. I find this somewhat weird, since I'm on this date for the sole reason of Double A and I proving we are not boyfriend and girlfriend... at his request.
As the guy I'm sitting next to notices I am gazing longingly at the man I really wish I was on the date with, he gets jealous and starts putting his hand on my leg, then on my arm in an attempt to get me attention on him. As he finally possessively wraps his arm around me, Double A indicates he's going on a break and gestures for me to follow. I break away from the guy I had agreed to date at Double A's insistence that we prove to everyone we are not an item.
As I head toward where Double A was going, I keep bracing myself hopefully for him to appear around a corner and pull me into a kiss; to tell me we shouldn't be seeing other people, but should just be an item and he is okay with it. Instead, I find myself outside, suddenly at the New Year's Eve party he was at, and still no Double A. I pass by the guy I used to date whose brother was throwing the party and think about saying hi, but decide I don't want to do that until I know what is going on with Double A. Nothing like the shame of being at a party I'm only invited to because of the man I'm dating when he might have a foot out the door.
Finally, I see a park bench where Double A is seated. I'm excited as he makes eye, hoping this is it, he's wanting to be my boyfriend. As I approach where he's sitting, some chick crosses in front of me and plops down in his lap. Instead of pushing her away, Double A puts an arm around her and looks up at me, patting the empty spot next to him for me to have a seat. I stare at him blankly, completely lost for words as I realize he was being malicious, before I narrow my eyes and growl at him in a low tone of voice, "you can just fuck off!", before turning around and storming away.
As I make my way back through the party I am fuming and hurt, thinking about how I never even wanted to date that other guy but did so at his insistence and it was all just a ruse so he could date outside of us. I pass by C, the guy I used to date, and he still takes absolutely no notice of me, for which I am glad. I don't say hi as I make a B-line back to the restaurant, not caring to be seen by anyone at this point.
I walk into the restaurant and my brother-in-law is there, drinking as the place suddenly fails to be an eatery and becomes a bar. I say hi and he gestures for me to follow him as he leaves the bar and my sister joins us. We walk for a while through what appears to be a museum inside an amusement park. I am alarmed to realize the statues are alive, much like Night at the Museum, though they do not attack as my Sis and Bro-in-Law make our way through the place and toward the gate. We exit the gate and walk along a dirt road, hop in a boat and head across a bay towards what looks like my house.
"It's green," I observe, as we beach the motorboat.
"Yup," My bro-in-law replies over his shoulder as we walk up the shore.
I start to panic as I realize the beach in front of my house is degrading and falling into the sea. I point this out as I look up at my house and see that it, too, is falling apart and that the green is moldy sludge clinging to my siding as the roof sags.
"What am I going to do?" I ask of my brother in law as the waves take another sizable chunk of land from the front of my property, "It won't be long until the ocean has created a cliff for my house to collapse into!"
My bro-in-law shrugs, unconcerned as he starts back up the road again, "It'll be okay. The sea won't reach your house,"
This time, we take a road back to the bar that is in a museum that is in an amusement park. My sister parts ways with us and the living statues leave us alone as we walk through the large, ornate gate and head toward the bar. My brother in law proceeds to drink as I start to get concerned with his alcohol intake. He gets mad at me and storms off and I desperately go in search of my sister. At this point, the living statues take hostile notice of me and start stalking me. I locate my sister and manage to lose the living statues and we find ourselves on the road again, headed toward my house as we look for my brother in law. A sinking feeling manifests itself in my guts as we stumble across a bare rim to her Dodge Durango. Not far from this is more wreckage before the grand finale of the Durango laying on its side surrounded by cops.
I have no idea what happened to my brother in law as suddenly the living statues close in on me and I am running from them. Back through the gate, into the museum, where they surround me. I find myself panicked and negotiating for my life as they draw knives and I can't even tell if they understand my language enough to know what I'm saying. Not that it matters because at the point when two of the living statue warriors are closing in on me with their rusted knives, I jerked awake, sweaty and stressed out by the vivid recollection of the dream.
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