Mess of Dreams

So yesterday, I found my current boyfriend has not only been on the dating site he met me on within the last week, but he had changed his location on there to where he just moved to this weekend. This, of course, has posed many questions in my head about where he stands with us and what he isn't telling me. I trust him... but this makes me wonder if I should. So, after having a little bit of a meltdown yesterday and consulting the best friend, I decided to sleep on it and talk with him about it today.

This, of course, affected my sleep pattern last night, as well as impacted my dreams. I had a dream he was trying to wake me up for sex and I got up for the bathroom. When I came back, he rolled over and stopped trying. I then dreamed he asked me if he had done something wrong and I mumbled in my sleep "yes." He asked what and I mumbled " not now, we will talk about it in the morning."

Then I had the longer dream... the one where I actually talked to him about it. I don't quite remember the outcome, only that I had trouble getting my point across and he became angry. Funny... this may actually happen. I often stumble over my words with him and he ends up frustrated with me for hours upon days, depending on his mood and how much I talked after I frustrated him.

This post is in my dream journal, though after writing it, I seem to wonder if it needs to go into "Life Incoherent..." Hmmm... maybe a more elaborate version will make its way into that blog. Depending on outcome.

Dream of Sleeping

Dream last night...
Double A and I were sleeping in some strange apartment. He was fast asleep and we were on a sleep number bed (which he is buying in real life for his future apartment in Lakewood). I could not get comfortable enough to sleep. I kept tossing and turning, careful not to wake him. I grab the remote for the bed and start adjusting the firmness from super firm to super soft.

I woke up as I started sinking into the bed... disappearing completely.

Donuts on Labor Day

I had the strangest dream the other night. I dreamt I walked into my house and found Double A in a precarious position with another girl… it looked like they had just been kissing. Knowing I’m not supposed to react overemotionally, I quickly left the house. As I was driving through Gorst, I decided to dial the jail to talk to my ex, The Cop. The Cop answered the phone and I asked him a question in a tone of voice that indicated we’ve been talking all this time and have been on friendly terms.

“Is this Cheese?” He asks, identifying my voice immediately.
“Yes,” I reply, nervous he’s going to now hang up.
“Well, I guess I can be nice to you today,” He replies with only mild reluctance, reminding me of all the mean things he said to me the last time we talked, in an effort to make me leave him and never welcome him back, “Did you get my email?”
Confused, “What email?”
“The one about Labor Day,” He informs me, “I need you to pick up some donuts at 5:30am and drive them to the doctor’s clinic.”
“At 5:30 in the morning…?” I try to clarify, still not understanding what this is about, “on labor day… September 5th…?”
“Yeah, they’re for the kid.”

This is when I remember he has a favorite nephew. I briefly think about Double A and what he would feel about this and what I would tell him when I had to get up at that hour, if he’s still around, before concluding in my mind that I had no intentions of letting The Cop back in… not after what he did to me when I gave him a second chance at being my boyfriend. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason, after all. So, I agree to pick up the donuts on Labor Day.

The dream then flash forwarded to a lake on a sunny day. I’m there with The Cop and a ton of people, having a great time. The lake is gorgeous, bright blue with huge, regal rocks throughout it to jump off of and trees dispersed throughout it to create shade. People are laughing and talking and taking pictures. I start to feel anxious that the pictures might end up on Facebook as I think about Double A. Again, I reason that I am doing nothing wrong, that hanging out with The Cop was strictly platonic and he hadn’t even done anything to imply he wanted to be my boyfriend again. At the same time I recognize I had not mentioned Double A to The Cop.

The dream never finished… I woke up after that.

Love meets Love

Strange dream. Not sure what prompted it. Could be the upcoming Mexican Cruise I am taking with my boyfriend; which was the same cruise I took when I left the ex-boyfriend who was also in the dream behind. Maybe it means something totally different, since I haven't thought of the Italian in quite a while.

The dream started out with me knowing the Italian was coming to town. I'm in the car with my BFF, telling her about my reservations, since he will be staying with me and Double A, my current boyfriend, was going to also be staying with me. We are driving up her road and she is calmly listening to me. Funny thing about my BFF, she always appears as perfectly calm and collected in my dreams. Then again, she usually is in real life as well.

But I digress. We pull into her driveway as I'm finishing telling her about the Italian's return and she says nothing and we get out of the car. I say hello to her parents.

The dream flashes to me in a big strange top-floor apartment with Double A. The Italian had just gotten there, but the two refuse to acknowledge each other, let alone talk. Double A and I are in the bedroom in our pajama's talking about something that I do not remember. He asks if I'm coming and I tell him I'd be right back. He shrugs and I walk out to the darkly decorated living room with it's dark brown plaid couch, where the Italian is making his bed. I quickly realize I'm only wearing a shirt and underwear and am instantly concerned about Double A's thoughts on that when I push the idea out of my mind, knowing there was nothing left between the Italian and I except wilted love and how nothing would ever happen. Also, I recalled him telling me he's not the jealous type and how things like that doesn't bother him.

The Italian and I exchange a few words and I walk back to where Double A was, finding him in the back bathroom, showering. I climb into the shower with him and say nothing about conversation with the Italian as he nods and stares at me inquisitively.

The dream wraps up with Lacy and I standing on a boat that's traveling through the sound. I'm staring at the Italian and Lacy asks me if I can handle him staying with me and not do anything stupid. I nod with determination and tell her "Absolutely. I may love the Italian, but I love Double A more and would do nothing to sabotage that or hurt him." Lacy smiles slightly and I notice Double A walking by, having been within earshot the entire time. I blush fiercely, having not expected or necessarily wanted him to hear me confess my devotion in such a way. He walks over to where the Italian is standing at the railing of the boat and leans over, finally electing to talk to him.

Not sure if I woke up right then or just don't remember the rest of the dream. I suppose at that point, if there was more, it would likely be mostly insignificant...

Silence is Not Always Golden, Though Ignorance May Be Bliss…

Had a disturbing dream last night.

My mom and sister were in town and I lived in this strange area that wasn’t a city or a town, but some houses and a huge amphitheater playhouse all located in the middle of nowhere. I was beside myself with anxiety and worry and walking around half naked when my sister stopped me and insisted I put some clothes on. She handed me a crocheted sweater that had her name embroidered on the homemade tag at the back of the neck. Then I was in a robe. My parents’ old friends whom I haven’t seen in at least 15 years were there as I walked into the playhouse.

I looked over and saw Double A sitting next to one of my dad’s old friends and I tried not to cry as I realized the reason I was so incredibly stressed and all out of sorts was because I was pregnant with his child. I walked over and opened my mouth to say something, but I found I couldn’t tell him because I was scared it would break us up. My mom’s friend walked up to me me and asked if I was alright and I tried to smile and tell her I was as I asked her to take me to the doctor’s. I bent down and gave Double A a kiss, having decided to keep the pregnancy a secret from him and to just have it terminated. That way, Double A wouldn’t have to know and we could just stay together and be happy.

Next thing I know I’m in an old white Dodge Ram and Double A is driving. There is tense silence between us and I almost tell him once more that I am pregnant with his child as I recognize he may want to keep it (which I don’t want to do and I fear I’ll build resentment up towards him for the burden if I let him talk me into it) or he may want me to get an abortion (which is what I want but I fear the weight of killing our child would cause a rift between us). So I remain silent as we bounce on down the road in the ‘80’s pickup truck in heavy silence.

Then the scene flashed to a doctor’s office, where I’m sitting in the waiting room with my decision bearing down on me with suffocating weight. I was fidgeting in my seat, wishing I had someone there to hold me, though I wasn’t crying or outwardly displaying my hysterics. I was called back and put in stirrups, a big sign on the wall in front of me clearly reading:
“Your options are:
Abortion - Manual Removal
Abortion PILL will make you bleed
You need to tell him!”

I finally start to cry as the doctor kneels down between my legs and I realized I was making a decision Double A and I should both be discussing, that in a way I was stealing from him what should have been his right to know and give input on. I pondered how ironic this was, since a lot of women get pregnant to keep guys and I was doing the exact opposite by secretly taking his choice away from him in order to hang on.

The dream jumped back to the playhouse and I approached where Double A was sitting. He looked over at me and smiled, not noticing anything was wrong as a pulling, retching feeling filled my gut at what I had just selfishly taken from him without his knowledge. I sat down next to him and he put his hand on my knee and I almost told him again, but realized he would be angry with me for not having told him about it in the first place. I was now stuck keeping this dirty little secret as I wondered if it was going to end up blowing us apart after all…

At this point Double A came into the bedroom and cuddled up to me, waking me up out of my miserable dream. It was so vivid, I had trouble coming out of it as I found myself feeling exposed and vulnerable, which made me a little grumpy, as I just wanted to snuggle up and feel safe and go back to sleep to have a better dream, though it was already 5 am and I knew I had to get up soon. Some mornings I loathe 5 am more than others…

Running

Strange dream last night... I woke up disturbed. LOL, seems every time I date a guy; for the first 3 to 4 months (if I let him stick around that long), he occupies my dreams as my subconscious tries to keep up with the conscious anxieties/discomforts, etc. And, other than the occasional sexual dream, these initial dreams are rarely positive, though they can often be neutral.

This dream was not neutral.

I dreamt I was camping somewhere that had a lot of madrona trees. Not big madrona trees, but small, scraggly ones. I was roaming through them, waiting for Double A (the man I'm dating) to show up. I was not excited to see him... I was mostly nervous and apprehensive. I was lost in thought, wandering through the madrona woods, wondering what it would be like to uproot one and run with it.

I came into a clearing that I recognized... My friend J's old place. It was her property from when I was growing up, though there was a different house on it and the horse pastures were bigger, with more hills and a different set up. I was amazed to find she had 7 or 8 horses, plus several foals as I briefly pondered if she was boarding horses for extra income. My thoughts of Double A gone, I wandered into the pasture and proceeded to pet some of the horses, who seemed happy to see me.

I glanced up and saw Double A approaching where I was standing, stroking a foal on its head. He smiled as he approached. I gave a shy smile back and exited the pasture. We entered J's house and I was finally experiencing excitement at seeing him. He stood in the kitchen, me in the dining room and there was a half wall between us. He leaned over the halfwall and explained to me that him and his family were moving to Alaska. I felt devastation welling up inside of me as he explained why... something about this area making his parents sick and that they had packed up the motorhome. He leaned over the halfwall to give me a kiss... our last kiss.

Realizing this is goodbye without warning, I turned away from him and ran. I ran out of the house, across the pasture and back into the madrona woods. I was surprised to notice he was chasing me, as my fear of him catching upscared the shit out of me because I was crying and I did not want him to see me cry. I tried to pick up my pace, tried to outrun him as I remembered him mentioning he used to be a runner and knowing it was futile, that he was going to catch up to me. I reached the thick of the woods, just as Double A reached out and grasped my wrist.

This was when I woke up, so I have no idea how the dream ended.

Mess of catastrophe

Strange dreams last night. Perhaps because I was still a little drunk by the time I passed out. Not sure if it was all one dream or a couple of different ones, but I'm going to treat it as one, even though the two parts do not include the same people.

First segment of the dream requires a little bit of a setup. Basically, in real life (not the dream) I knew Double A, the guy I'm dating, was going to a New Years Eve party last night. Though he does not know this, I also used to date the brother of the guy whose party he was going to.

In the dream, I was at this restaurant with some random guy and we were sitting at the counter. Double A is behind the counter, working at the restaurant. In the dream, I am on a date with the guy I am sitting next to, though I do not want to be on a date with him as I gaze longingly at Double A, who seems to have a problem with me being on a date with this guy. I find this somewhat weird, since I'm on this date for the sole reason of Double A and I proving we are not boyfriend and girlfriend... at his request.

As the guy I'm sitting next to notices I am gazing longingly at the man I really wish I was on the date with, he gets jealous and starts putting his hand on my leg, then on my arm in an attempt to get me attention on him. As he finally possessively wraps his arm around me, Double A indicates he's going on a break and gestures for me to follow. I break away from the guy I had agreed to date at Double A's insistence that we prove to everyone we are not an item.

As I head toward where Double A was going, I keep bracing myself hopefully for him to appear around a corner and pull me into a kiss; to tell me we shouldn't be seeing other people, but should just be an item and he is okay with it. Instead, I find myself outside, suddenly at the New Year's Eve party he was at, and still no Double A. I pass by the guy I used to date whose brother was throwing the party and think about saying hi, but decide I don't want to do that until I know what is going on with Double A. Nothing like the shame of being at a party I'm only invited to because of the man I'm dating when he might have a foot out the door.

Finally, I see a park bench where Double A is seated. I'm excited as he makes eye, hoping this is it, he's wanting to be my boyfriend. As I approach where he's sitting, some chick crosses in front of me and plops down in his lap. Instead of pushing her away, Double A puts an arm around her and looks up at me, patting the empty spot next to him for me to have a seat. I stare at him blankly, completely lost for words as I realize he was being malicious, before I narrow my eyes and growl at him in a low tone of voice, "you can just fuck off!", before turning around and storming away.

As I make my way back through the party I am fuming and hurt, thinking about how I never even wanted to date that other guy but did so at his insistence and it was all just a ruse so he could date outside of us. I pass by C, the guy I used to date, and he still takes absolutely no notice of me, for which I am glad. I don't say hi as I make a B-line back to the restaurant, not caring to be seen by anyone at this point.

I walk into the restaurant and my brother-in-law is there, drinking as the place suddenly fails to be an eatery and becomes a bar. I say hi and he gestures for me to follow him as he leaves the bar and my sister joins us. We walk for a while through what appears to be a museum inside an amusement park. I am alarmed to realize the statues are alive, much like Night at the Museum, though they do not attack as my Sis and Bro-in-Law make our way through the place and toward the gate. We exit the gate and walk along a dirt road, hop in a boat and head across a bay towards what looks like my house.

"It's green," I observe, as we beach the motorboat.
"Yup," My bro-in-law replies over his shoulder as we walk up the shore.
I start to panic as I realize the beach in front of my house is degrading and falling into the sea. I point this out as I look up at my house and see that it, too, is falling apart and that the green is moldy sludge clinging to my siding as the roof sags.
"What am I going to do?" I ask of my brother in law as the waves take another sizable chunk of land from the front of my property, "It won't be long until the ocean has created a cliff for my house to collapse into!"
My bro-in-law shrugs, unconcerned as he starts back up the road again, "It'll be okay. The sea won't reach your house,"

This time, we take a road back to the bar that is in a museum that is in an amusement park. My sister parts ways with us and the living statues leave us alone as we walk through the large, ornate gate and head toward the bar. My brother in law proceeds to drink as I start to get concerned with his alcohol intake. He gets mad at me and storms off and I desperately go in search of my sister. At this point, the living statues take hostile notice of me and start stalking me. I locate my sister and manage to lose the living statues and we find ourselves on the road again, headed toward my house as we look for my brother in law. A sinking feeling manifests itself in my guts as we stumble across a bare rim to her Dodge Durango. Not far from this is more wreckage before the grand finale of the Durango laying on its side surrounded by cops.

I have no idea what happened to my brother in law as suddenly the living statues close in on me and I am running from them. Back through the gate, into the museum, where they surround me. I find myself panicked and negotiating for my life as they draw knives and I can't even tell if they understand my language enough to know what I'm saying. Not that it matters because at the point when two of the living statue warriors are closing in on me with their rusted knives, I jerked awake, sweaty and stressed out by the vivid recollection of the dream.

Rushed Into...

This dream is interesting. First off, I'm in another relationship, though the man, whom we'll call Double A, still refers to us as "friends". We had been taking certain things slow, though moving quickly in other areas. My emotions are guarded due to the last guy who blasted my heart apart and broke me for several months, but have still developed an attraction and a strong connection with him. It's enough to scare the hell out of me, yet intrigue me enough to not run for my safety. Anyways, I digress. On to the dream!

In my dream, it was dark out, but I’m not sure if it was night. I was in the woods somewhere at a random lodge and I think all my friends were there, though I couldn’t see them. I was dressed in a white dress and realized it was my wedding. I was certain I was marrying the right man, though I vaguely remembered him talking about not wanting marriage and how we’ve only been dating for a little over a month. Double A came out and saw me in my dress and put his arms around me and I was instantly elated.

The music started and two bridesmaids bolted past me to music that was too fast for the setting as Double A walked up to the altar, the ceremony rushing along at an unnatural pace as people in the pews whispered about how we had to hurry up, that time was running out. I stood alone as “here comes the bride” began to play at the normal beat, unlike the rushed pre-bride music, and I looked around almost frantically, suddenly all too aware there was no one to give me away, that my dad was not present, nor was any of the rest of my family. I looked over at my good friend Choadis, but there was no time to ask her if she would give me away, so I started walking towards where Double A was standing in anticipation.

This is when I realized how unprepared I was for this wedding, that I didn’t even have a bouquet to carry down the aisle. At the same time, everything about what I was doing felt right. More right than my first wedding or the idea of marrying anyone else. The problem was it felt rushed and like it was happening too quickly.

Double A put his hand on my back as I took my position next to him and it became apparent to me that this was a dream. I felt mild fear as I thought about how my dreams sometimes come true…

Over Exposure

Last night I dreamt I was naked. Well, I suppose I am, but this is not my diary blog... it's my dream blog.

I dreamt I was in a store in Silverdale, that I decided I was going to take a chance as I stripped down to nothing. I figured I was already feeling so exposed, I might as well bare all in real life and see what happens. So I took all of my clothes off at the door and walked out. People were staring at me from their cars as they drove through the parking lot and they were pointing at me as they walked toward the store. I felt liberated and untouchable at first, like everything had been lifted off of me and I was finally free of all pain and suffering, though it wasn't long before I started to fear one of the onlookers was going to call the cops. My just recent ex who had shattered me was a corrections officer and I feared I would be cuffed and taken to him, instantly shamed as he processed me and realized I was not at all the person he thought I was. I was halfway to my car at this point and my confindent stride in my naked parade was just as broken as my heart. I started to look around with paranoia as I picked up the pace I was walking, though my legs would not let me run. I finally made it to my car, where I put on a shirt, but no pants or underwear. I drove off a nervous wreck, thinking maybe the authorities wouldn't think it was me if they passed by, since I was no longer fully naked. I glanced over to see a trucker looking down at my half naked body and I no longer felt free and strong, but dirty and weak as I stressed over what the man who crushed my heart a few weeks back would think of me now...

Raccoon & Hockey

I had a dream last night that I lived in a bottom floor condo in some city and my cat got out. He was running around all crazy outside my bedroom window like he was scared of something and wanted in. I opened the window and my cat darted in, with a raccoon following close behind. At first this really freaked me out, 'cause a raccoon in a house is a bad idea. They're mean and have sharp teeth and claws and are very strong. The raccoon jumped up on the bed and I saw it was a baby and that it wanted attention from me. I was trying to take a picture of it with my cell phone, when I noticed the horrible smell of garbage that it had on it and realized it was on the quilt my mom made me. As I tried to pick it up to get it off my bed, the baby raccoon acted like it wanted to be petted like I pet my cat. I also realized it was really heavy and solidly built for it's size. I picked it up and put it outside on my window sill and it promised to come back and not bring it's mom, who would likely attack me.

My dream then flashed to a hockey rink. I was on the ice, trying to play with a team of about 10, including my company's GCCM Superintendent and my Self Perform Superintendent. I just basically skated around aimlessly as the GCCM and Self Perform Supers were shooting pucks past the goalies. I wanted to make a goal, too, but couldn't swing my hockey stick, though it didn't seem to be heavy. At one point I tried to skate forward but couldn't and when I looked down, I saw that I didn't have skates on anymore; I was just wearing my New Balance shoes. The last thing I remember of this portion of the dream, I looked up and saw one of the goals was unprotected by the goalie as someone scored.

Hawaii vs. The Sinister Bunch

OMG, the weirdest dream!

In the beginning of this dream, my company asked me to go to Oahu and I didn't answer. I was walking along with L and K, trying to discuss why I didn't want to go. L agrees with me, reminding me I’m going nuts up in M-ville without my friends and family around to hang out with at least once or twice a week, and I concur. I start talking to K about it, though I’m trying my best not to let him know one of the reasons I don’t want to go to Oahu for the next year or two is because I wanted a chance with him and I knew if I went, I wouldn't get that chance. But I was also stressed that I was not going to have a job if I said no to taking the job.

The dream then flashed (or maybe this was a separate dream) to me heading into some special club. It was in the middle of the woods and the building was all dilapidated with peeling blue paint. I walk in and the inside is dim and there are a number of sinister people there. I look over and see Jeeves sitting at one of the tables, drinking some sort of dark fluid. I walk up and sign in; suddenly realizing I'm a member. As a member, I have this placard with my picture and name on it. The person who checks me into this clubhouse establishment takes a blank placard out of the slot labeled 19 and places my card there. I walk over and sit down with Burt Reynolds and Jeeves.

As I'm conversing with these guys, I suddenly notice a group of ominous characters in the corner, staring me down. Something is said between myself and them and they become very angry. Jeeves and Burt Reynolds get very quiet, though I'm not sure why. Jeeves says he has to go, but before he leaves, he says and does something weird that I can't quite see and do not understand at all. After Jeeves leaves, Burt Reynolds turns to me and starts talking in a low tone about the club, though he's very vague. I shrug and tell him I'm a member as I gesture toward the host, who holds up the board with my placard in slot 19 for him to see. Burt Reynolds suddenly becomes very concerned as he grabs the card with my picture and name on it and sticks it in his hair for safe keeping, shooting a sideways glance over at the table that is full of my enemies. I am somewhat alarmed to realize these people noticed I was a member, though I was uncertain as to if they saw my name.

I thank Burt Reynolds for his time as I rise from the table and turn to walk out. I try not to notice as the sinister characters surround the friend I was abandoning to go discuss Hawaii with my company. As I exit the building, I turn to see the paint literally melting off the exterior walls of the clubhouse, exposing ugly brown wood. I am alarmed as I see the ominous group of enemies standing outside the building with a group of creatures I immediately notice as evil spirits. I start praying, telling myself because I believe in God, I am safe, that these spirits can't touch me as my enemies start chanting voodoo songs, asking the spirits to harm me. Suddenly, the spirits turn on the leader of the sinister group, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him as he brutally informed the guy they cannot harm me, that another has gotten to them first in regards to what to do with me and the mode they were in was protection and the ominous group was now in serious danger for trying to hurt me through them. It was then realized Jeeves had been doing something strange before he left, and that he had been conversing with the spirits to cast some sort of protection spell on me.

I turn to walk away, wondering what happened to Burt Reynolds and how Jeeves knew those people were going to try to hurt me using evil spirits. As I place distance between the club and myself, I puzzle over how I was even a member in the first place, though I don't dwell on this as I start stressing over what to say to my company about not wanting to go to Hawaii.

The end.

Who are these people?!

Well, I know what part of this dream was about...

I dreamt I was with my friend B (who hired me on at the first company in my current career path six years ago in June) in some random building. We were in the ladies room, I was in one stall, she was in the other, telling me about this company who she used to work for who was hiring. I was thinking about how my company hadn't been winning any work lately and I might not have another project to go to after this one ends, so I was interested in what she was saying. B told me she would put me in touch with a lady.

The dream flashed to B and I in some dingy, barely lit room. I'm on the phone with the lady who was going to be my new boss, if the company I currently work for was unable to keep me. As the lady on the other line was describing things to me, I thought I heard something outside. Not really listening to the lady, I carefully try to figure out what it was I heard. I have to ask the lady on the phone to repeat herself. She does, but at this point, I see flashing lights on the back side of the wall, reflected through the only window in the dim room. I realize it would be unprofessional to ask my potential future boss to repeat herself a third time, so I politely tell her something is wrong and that I have to go.

At this point, B is gone. I run out into the hallway and instantly suspect a fire, though there were no alarms going off. People were mulling around, talking about needing to get out of the building, but no one seemed to be motivated to really do so. I'm kind of freaking out, as I dash outside. I see a fire truck parked near the front of the building and I walk up to some lady whom I don't recognize, though in the dream she is my mother. I ask what is going on. She tells me my grandmother was in her room, when she saw an old man standing outside her window with his pants down. Alarmed, my "grandmother" (who, by the way, is not my grandmother in real life... it's like my dream made up a family for me out of complete strangers) called the cops.

My "mother" and I head over to where my "grandmother" is, and the half naked man is there. I look at both my grandmother and my mother with my eyes narrowed, informing them the creepy old guy who was ogling grandma is my "grandfather". They agree and I think how odd it is that these people are supposed to be my family and I recognize this as such in the dream, but I don't know any of them and my pseudo mother and grandmother don't know my supposed grandfather, who has apparently kept the romance alive in his old age by playing peeping tom with my "grandmother" as she sleeps.

Yeah, basically, at that point I woke up. Still don't know why the fire truck would be there if the cops were called, or who these people who were supposed to be my family really are. They all had faces, but as far as I know, I have never seen them before in real life. I also just can't get over how dark the dream was. Not a single point of the dream had full illumination, it was all this hazy, yellowish dimness. Strange.

Alone, with person...

Last night I had a dream I was in this junkyard where some sort of public function was going on. There was a camping trailer selling food and a bunch of picnic tables laid out amongst the crashed, smashed and broken down cars. My dad, step mom, BFF and K are there, seated at the picnic tables eating. I'm looking for something sweet to eat, when I come across a sign advertising an orange soda sundae, with vanilla ice cream and orange soda over the top. I purchase the tasty treat and head over to the two picnic tables. I offer my dad some of my sundae, before squeezing in near K, who is eating a plate of meat and home fries. I offer him a bite of my ice cream and he says no, before taking the desert from my hand and having a taste. When he handed my ice cream back, I noticed he had given me two of his home fries. I thank him as I walk off, taking a bite and noticing how good they were.

The dream then flashed to me at this big, strange house on top of this hill. The front room had floor to ceiling windows, with hardwood floors and this huge chef's kitchen. The place was enormous and old, dark and creepy. It is my dad's and I am house sitting with the cat. His dog is there and I am on the phone, talking to someone who is genderless and has no identity. I am telling this person how bored I am, as I have nothing to do and can't work my dad's TV. I tell them how I wish I was at home and had just brought the dog over to my house, but my dad wanted someone at the house since the neighborhood isn't that great. It was then I looked out the huge windows and see this single headlight coming at me. I tell the person on the phone I have to go and hang up, just as the motorcycle crashes through the window and into the house. I am not afraid, but instantly worry the cat and dog are going to get out. I scoop up the cat and grab the dog, rushing them down the hall, where I shut them up in one of the rooms. I snatch up the phone and quickly dial 911, though the motorcycle and rider are nowhere in sight.

Pins & Needles

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep in my hotel bed, I dreamt I had a single, short pin sticking into my brain. I reached back and pulled it out, not thinking about the consequences. It was then I realized I was laying down and the back of my head was open, with my brain exposed. There were at least a dozen 6" long thin pins sticking into the center of it and I was carefully trying to lift my head off of them, the whole time terrified I was going to end up damaging something vital by not having a doctor remove them. But I was laying alone in my hotel bed, with no phone within reach and I knew I would end up dead if I just laid there and did nothing.

I then forced myself awake. I had been out for less than 10 minutes. I rolled over, went back to sleep. Either I didn't dream after that or I don't remember it.

Stress Much?

Not sure, but I think the split dreams I had the other night were a direct result of my stress level. Strange.

The first dream had my friend Master Flash living in a townhouse in Seattle, where the hill leading up to it was too steep for a car to get up without serious effort. The hill was almost straight up and my BFF, L, and I were in my car, trying to get up it, following Master Flash after a dinner in downtown. Funny thing is, the city below the townhouse, which was supposed to be Seattle, looked a lot more like Tacoma, near The Swiss. Anyway, we finally made it to Master Flash's house, played Apples to Apples before our friend Ratty decided to leave and L and I needed to make a beer run. We were on our way down the hill, when I got a call, telling me Ratty had gotten into an accident, that she had gotten a DUI. L and I were coming around a corner and saw emergency lights and Ratty's Trail Blazer smashed up against guardrail. Ratty wasn't there, however, she had already been taken to jail for driving while intoxicated.

I then woke up mid-thought, stressing over the DirecTV guy who was coming out later in the day and how the TV and entertainment center were too heavy for my to be able to move before he got there. As I rolled over and prepared to go back to sleep, I wondered what I was going to do or if the DirecTV guy would be willing to help me move this stuff out, if need be.

So I drifted back off to sleep and dreamt I woke up to find my living room an absolute mess from Master Flash, my Roomie, her boyfriend, CP, L, and myself playing Apples to Apples Friday night. I was all sorts of stressed out, as the chair that was usually in the upstairs back bedroom was shoved up against he wall, there were extra couch pieces laying around and my bookcase was dumped over and smashed up against the far wall. I'm sitting on the couch, staring at the disarray, when L walks into the house. I ask her if she could help me get the stuff back to the way it should be and she unenthusiastically agreed. As we started moving stuff around, she started rolling her eyes at my asking her help. Stressed out and upset she was acting like that, I told her I didn't need her help, to just forget it. I then plopped down on the couch, pouting. She asked me what my problem was and I told her I needed help moving the TV and entertainment center before the DirecTV guy showed up, but that I wasn't going to ask for her help with that, when she couldn't even help me with this without rolling her eyes and acting like it's too much trouble. She scolded me for not communicating properly and then I woke up again.

Seems I was grinding my teeth through at least that last dream...

Train of thought?

Well, I haven't been posting my dreams as often because the ones I remember have been about K and I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about him. Well, this one was about K, too, but I'm still going to post about it. It was weird.

Basically, I dreamt L, my dad, my step mom and I were hanging out. L and I decided we would go to K's band's last show for New Years Eve. L and I booked a hotel, for some reason my parents were there, and we proceeded to get ready. Well, L proceeded to get ready. I decided I was going to wait till the last minute to do my hair and put makeup on.

So this hotel we were at had a strange amphitheater, with stairs instead of seats. I was fussing around in the amphitheater by myself, when I notice members of the band standing around with blank looks on their faces. I turned around and almost ran into K, who acted as if he hadn't seen me. Suddenly all too aware my hair was a mess and my face was bare (I have acne; it's one of my only body issues), I quickly turn away from him, hoping like hell he didn't see me, though I was standing within a foot of him and I didn't see how he couldn't have. I quickly rush off to go find L, with the band ignoring me and me ignoring the band.

I find L, my dad and my step mom. I end up in an argument with L and my dad for whatever reason and scurry off in an indignant state of irritation. I watch as the members of the band leave the amphitheater to go get ready for their show. Then I run into a fellow who is always with the band and helps promote them. I talk with him briefly, not too worried about my lack of makeup, and mention something about a train out back I was thinking about taking a ride on. I then wander off and find the train.

This train is long and black with the cars being nothing more than platforms with railings on the side. There is a podium near the train with a joystick on it. The train has no operator. I glance at the joystick and push it all the way forward. I then climb on. The train blows its horn and I turn around to see the band and their promoter climb on. The train starts moving and K ignores me and I'm keeping my face away from him so he can't see I don't have makeup on, though the rest of the band acknowledges me this time.

I talk with their promoter, who mentions the band thought it would be a good precursor to their show to take a nice, relaxing ride on this train. He then mentions it's getting close to time for them to perform; we should be heading back. He asks when the train is supposed to slow down, halt and start going backwards to head back to the station. I shrug and tell him I don't know. He then asks how far forward I pushed the joystick that controls it. I told him all the way and his face goes white.

He tells me all the way forward means we're going all the way to the end of the line, which will make the band late for the show. Everyone is staring at me, including K. I am mortified. I start to move to the front of the train, saying something along the lines of there has to be a set of controls on the train. The band's promoter says no, there isn't.

Suddenly, I have an idea. I grab my cell phone and call my step mom, asking her if she's near the podium. She says yes. I ask her to pull the joystick all the way back. She does, the train slows down, halts, then starts going back to the station. I am relieved, but still embarrassed. Feeling guilty about the squabble I had with L and my dad, I ask where they are and what they are up to before hanging up.

As we make our way back to the station, I am trying to keep my face away from K. Suddenly, my pant leg creeps up to reveal my waxed legs. K takes note of how smooth my legs are as I pull my pant leg down to cover the exposed flesh. He looks up at me and actually looks at me this time. I tell him I'm sorry for almost making him late.
He shakes his head and says, "Thank you."
"Thank you for what?" I ask, baffled.
"Thank you for coming tonight," He says, "and for the train ride."

GOOD LORD!!!

Had the most messed up dream last night. MESSED UP. Part of it was okay and inspired by a favor I am seeing if my friend J can do for me. He's what us in the construction industry call a "Sprinkie". Basically, he's a fire sprinkler system installer... a type of plumber, if you will. I am concerned my earthwork contractor is going to overcharge me to hook my water up to my house, so I asked him if he knows anything about residential plumbing.

So in my dream, I was out at my property. There was a picnic table out there and no house, which is strange, 'cause in non-dreamland, I have a house standing there, all sided and dried in. Anyway, I was sitting at the picnic table, waiting for J to show up. I had my work laptop out and it was plugged into something. I remember thinking "man, I'm glad I have WiFi", though where it was coming from, I couldn't tell you, since there wasn't a house there.

So I'm working away and I notice there are people walking around on the road. Several of them look like transients and part of me is frightened. Suddenly, I look up and one of the transients has walked onto my property. He has a weird smile on his face and his pants are down and I'm freaked out because he's staring at me, drooling and is half naked as he sits on the picnic bench next to me. I tell him he needs to leave and he just scoots closer. I stand up and grab my cell phone, intent on calling the police. I tell him I'm going to call the cops and he gets up and starts to walk off, without pulling up his pants. I'm freaking and thinking about calling the cops anyways. There are still people walking around on the street and some of them are staring at me as I stand there, appalled by this transient who was so adamant about being half-naked and near me.

Then the dream flashes to J showing up. This is when I realize there is now a house on the property. He digs the water up and hooks the permanent water up for me, the whole time joking around about the transient he heard about being on my property. I ask where he heard about it from, but he doesn't answer. I ask if his wife knows he's there and he tells me no, she thinks he's working. I point out he is working and he shrugs.

I wake up.

Okay, so now that I have it down on paper, I have to say perhaps it's not nearly as messed up as I thought it was. It's the whole naked homeless man thing which freaked me out. The look on his face was psycho and scary. It's a dream I would not care to relive, that's for sure.

Sicky Dreams... they are something else

Came down with a head cold, was sent home from work. After a big sandwich and a tomato soup that called itself "zesty" but was really just overloaded with pepper, I dozed off. I couldn't have really been sleeping, though. I mean, sure I dreamed... if it could be called that.

Basically, my dream was just fingers moving across a piano as I played a small spinet at my parent's house. As the place filled up with piano music, I found myself thinking how great it was going to be to take this piano to my house, once it is built. I then hear Chandler talking to Monica about handcuffs in the background. Apparently, they had found them in their guest bedroom and they were trying to find out who they belonged to. They asked Rachel, she said they weren't hers. I then woke up and looked at the TV, only to see Chandler asking Phoebe if the handcuffs were hers on Friends.

And no, I have not overloaded on Nyquil...

Then, last night, I had a dream my sister, my brother in law, my friends L and R and I were at a huge casino somewhere on vacation. We were in this huge auditorium with a stage and R and L and I were preparing to dance to a live band, when L walks off. I'm trying to find L as I scour the crowd, only to run into K (for those of you who haven't read any of the other posts, K is a man I am involved with who is also in a band). K says nothing to me, doesn't even look at me. He's dressed in the red shirt and black pants and he moves through the crowd with indifference. My cell phone rings, it's L. She's trying to tell me where she's at, but the band has started playing and I can't hear her. K looks over at me with disapproval for trying to talk on the phone while he is performing, so I step outside the auditorium. I find L. L, R, my sister and I decide we don't want to dance and start touring the casino, which seems to be about the size of a small country. We come across a balcony that looks down on a simulated beach. There is a swing on the balcony, so L, R, my sister and I get on our knees on it and swing out over the beach. It feels like we are flying.

I wake up.

Strange, strange, strange!

Had the weirdest dream last night! Dreamt about K, even though he was sleeping up against me in the spooning position, and W, whom I haven't seen since prior to my divorce back in 2002. Basically, W is the man I fell for as a result of working with him, being in a marriage that had nothing to do with love and my husband never being around, no matter how often I told him he needed to lay off the swing and nightshifts, as I was on dayshift and only got to see him for a couple of hours every three or four days and we rarely shared a bed together as a result of his working (okay for dating, not for being married!) Oh, yeah, and the 6 to 9 month dryspells in the sex department was also a key factor in killing our companionship (why be in any sort of relationship if there is no sex?!) Long story short, I called off the marraige because it wasn't working (it had nothing to do W, he was just there for me to form an attraction to, as my marraige was seriously lacking in this area). So, after my husband and I separated, I pursued W. Yeah, well, the whole relationship with W backfired (as well it should have) and I ended up alone, which was exactly as I needed to be during that period of time in my life. I had issues to sort out, though I apparently didn't realize it at the time. Didn't realize it until J came along and completely shattered my entire world...

OMG, I am getting so far off topic. This is almost becoming a post for my other blog, Life Incoherent. Let's get back to the subject of my dream...

K and I were walking along some strange boardwalk, talking. W, who wasn't even in the picture when I was hooking up with K all those years ago, walks up and asks me a question. I nod, but don't say anything, as K is with me and he's the one I'm interested in. W walks off. K looks over at me and says something along the lines of, "so that was W, huh?" I'm baffled and embarrassed and suddenly blurt, "you know about W?!" As soon as I say this, I clam up, thinking I shouldn't have said anything... K couldn't know about W and I would prefer he continued to be ignorant to this part of my life. K states he knew about W all along, but he wasn't threatened. I nodded, told him he shouldn't be. He's the one I'm interested in. The dream flashes forward to me sitting in a small room with a couch, a beat up piece of raw wood fashioned into a makeshift coffee table and a few other furnishings and decorations. I am sitting on one end of the couch, W is on the other. We aren't saying anything, just staring at each other. W finally asks me what I'm doing back. I frown, not understanding his question, though I don't ask for elaboration. He then asks me where I’ve been and if I think we have a chance. I tell him no, I’m with K now. He had his chance, but he freaked out when my husband got involved and confronted him about dating me after we separated. The situation becomes awkward as W falls quiet but does not stop staring at me. My cell phone rings. It’s K and his car has broken down, he needs to be picked up, but I had too much wine with W. W drives, we pick K up from the side of the freeway and the situation becomes uncomfortable for all of us as I stress over having these two men in the same small space after what W has been asking me about, when I just want to be with K. I woke up at some point after this, as I don’t remember anymore of the dream.

Now, here is the strange part about this dream... I have not had any contact with W since 2002! W had nothing to do with K!!! K is the only man I am interested in right now, though I fear he's just playing around and doesn't have any inclination whatsoever to even be open to the potential of this becoming serious in the (near or not so near?) future. The only common factors the two men share is they are the only two people I have had a past with whom I not only created a character for in my book as a form of punishment for how they made me feel, but they are also the only two men I have had a past with and would even consider picking something back up with. I have possibly been given this opportunity with K... W, from what my Tacoma friend told me a year ago, is in a serious relationship with the girl he got together with shortly after he and I called it off. That was a bit of drama, the relationship spree W went into after our involvement. None of this is really the type of content for this blog. This is supposed to be all about the dreams, causes and interpretations. Perhaps I shall post about this tailspin portion of my past in Life Incoherent...

Slept Hard

Dreamt twice. First dream, I believe, is inspired by my remaining insecurities when it comes to K, the man I think I am dating, though I also have an idea we might just be playing around. Basically, when we meet up, things usually go really smoothly, we seem to click, we have amazing sex and then we part and I don't hear from him for a week or so. This dream, however, I think has to do with the way he oftentimes completely ignores my call or text. I know he's busy... that's totally understandable. But when I call or text and don't hear from him for days, sometimes even close to a week, I feel dismissed. Well, yesterday, my friend came across extra Seahawks tickets. I know he likes the Seahawks, so I texted him. Then found out the ticket price was being cut in half and word was going out. So I called K, telling him to get back to me as soon as he could with an answer. Long story short, I got the tickets with my friend's promise to help find someone if he can't go and it's now the next day and I have yet to hear from K. Last night, my first dream went accordingly...

I was walking along the street down in Mannette, when I realized I'd been texting. I look down to see who I was texting and I see I've been blowing up K's phone. I quickly review what I've been sending, and find I've texted him at least four or five times with various lyrics. Concerned that I had been blowing up his phone and spoiling his opinion of me, I snap my phone closed and stress over whether or not I just contacted him too much. My dream then flashed to me sitting with my friends at the Seahawk's game. There's another guy beside me whom I know, but is not K. We're under a blanket and I realize this guy has his hand on my leg as he starts to feel up my thigh. I don't react as I stress over whether K would approve of this or not. I then allow this guy whom I know to feel up my leg, as I reason K and I are obviously not an item. That the exclusive talk we had a few nights ago only meant I couldn't have sex with the guy sitting next to me, which I had no intention of doing.

I then woke up, used the bathroom and came back to bed to have the following, non-K related dream...

I was up in Marysville, staying at my hotel. A couple of my old friends from Tacoma were there. We were headed up to the mountains to go quad riding, when I was kidnapped by some indigenous group. They tied me to this chair and were preparing to violate me, but I somehow escaped. I then noticed I had this little voodoo doll following me as I headed into the hills, where I had seen my friends from Tacoma headed. I thought I lost my voodoo doll, though I managed to find my friends. They were riding around on the quads and I asked if I could go back to the hotel with them, as I was scared the indigenous natives were going to find me. One of my best friends from Tacoma shook her head and said, "No, you still have a tracker on your tail. They'd find you." I looked behind me and saw the voodoo doll standing a ways back on the trail behind me. I snatched the little bastard up and as I held him, I felt a strange pin sticking out of his back. I grabbed it and pulled. The pin came out and the dolls eyes went from beady to Xs. I had killed it. My Tacoma friend was mystified, and I then noticed she had a voodoo doll following her, too. I asked if she wanted me to kill it and she said no. I then realized she didn't want to go back to the hotel and wondered if she had been infiltrated. I headed back to the hotel and found the room where her and her family was staying, only to realize they were holed up and afraid as I saw some of the Natives heading toward the hotel with ornate backboards for strapping people down on and taking them back to their camp.

I woke up just as we were all hiding in the room and the Natives were trying to kidnap us... I know what inspired the first dream, no idea what the second dream was about. Would need my friend L to translate. Maybe I'll have her do that...

Disconcerting

So, I think last night's dream relates to Monday's encounter with our superintendent on the GCCM side. I don't like getting in trouble, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I try my best to be the best I can be in everything I do so I don't get in trouble. So when I went over to the GCCM trailer and had to admit we had dropped the ball on something I thought I needed an answer from my superintendent for and the GCCM super, apparently disappointed in me, tells me there was a way I could have gotten the answer myself, I was crushed. I've actually been stressing over it these past few days.

So last night, I had this dream I was sending out a funny company email, where I drew my favorite people using microsoft paint. I was so proud of my work, thought I had done a great job. I walked into the GCCM superintendent's trailer and he was pissed. He said to me "don't you ever send anything out about me again, do you hear me?" I was heart broken. I looked away and told him it was just a picture, to which he said, "I don't care what it was, you leave me out of it." I looked at the ground as I teared up, remembering how I had spent extra special care on creating detail for everyone's faces and how it had took me several tries to get his beard right and all I had done was make him angry.

Now, this is very unlike the person who the dream was about, but it disturbed me nonetheless. I felt so distraught at having made him so angry. Then again, I was mildly distressed at his disappointment the other day. The subconscious is a strange thing...

Restless

I tossed and turned all night long. Had several dreams, a couple about K. Bet you're wondering if all the dreams I post about are going to be about K. Answer is a definite NO. The only reason they all seem to be about K right now is because he seems to be what my subconscious likes to throw at me when I'm unconscious and it has control over me. I plan on posting whatever dreams I have and possibly my past dreams, as well. I have a knack for remembering a lot of them... especially the ones which really affect me or have come true in one aspect or another.

In any case, a couple of dreams about K last night. First, there was the one where he and I got together again. We were on the hotel room bed up in MV, where I stay for work, messing around. I wanted him to take me so bad, but he ignored my requests, just like he did earlier this month, when we first got together. He was on top of me, but refused to enter and climaxed on my torso. In the dream I slapped my hands down in frustration and in real life woke up to hearing myself mutter "what the hell? I'm so disappointed."

Ended up going right back to sleep, slipping back into a similar dream. We were sitting on the couch at the MV hotel, I asked where this was going. Dream K told me he wants to date and see where this goes. He then asked me to come to one of his shows and I told him I was not comfortable, but wanted to support him. Suddenly, I'm at the casino where we last saw them perform. The line is so long, it's out the front door. I walk up to the person letting people in as others leave and ask if she knows my name. She tells me K said to let me in and I was stumped. I walk into the lounge area and he approaches me and is very attentive.

Sure was the opposite end of the spectrum from the dream I had when I took my nap after Black Friday shopping. I think this last dream was inspired by the heart to heart I had with my best friend L yesterday over a glass of wine. She still doesn't trust K is genuine. She still thinks he's hanging around because this is once again easy for him and she has let me know her opinion is not going to change until she sees him interact with me outside the venue of his performances. I doubt this will happen anytime soon, if ever. I've invited him out with us a couple times, but both requests have been completely ignored. I'm okay with it, this is a bit too early for me to expect him to want to make an appearance among my friends. And if when I ask him where this is going (sometime in January), then I will probably be walking away if L was right and he does just see this as friends with benefits. Not that I expect an instant relationship, but to at least have the potential for it to go somewhere is a must. The dreams can be damned, I've dealt with them before. Used to dream about W all the time, back when we were seeing each other eight years ago. Then things got overly complicated and we had to go our separate ways. The frequency of the dreams tend to wear off with distance, before they just completely fade away into the mist of general indifference...

My Nap

My crazy ass got up at 2 AM on a Black Friday, after only a few hours of sleep so I could freeze my durf off waiting in line outside Best Buy for two hours. So you can understand my desire to hit the sheets again once I got home. Now, I've been on 3 dates with this guy whom I've run into again after 6 years of no contact... with the only contact all those years ago being nothing but a hookup after his shows (he's in a band that is retiring at the end of this year). Anyway, I've been unsure of if this is just a bootycall outside the venue of his performances or if we are actually dating, though I've been leaning toward the latter.

Apparently, my uncertainty is getting the better of my subconscious, as I just had a dream where my friend L and I were at the venue where we saw him and I obtained his number last month. In my dream, she and I were putting together some sort of Flashcards and I had no idea he was there. As I was sorting through what we had cut up so far and was talking with various different people, I see his back to me as he heads towards the stage door. He says not a word, nor does he look over in my direction, all I see is his back. I'm perplexed and feeling on the spot, as I wonder if I should have been more observant, noticed him prior to his having to take the stage and said hello. Prior to last month, I was always the one who had to approach him. Next, the guitarist, whom I am not fond of, approaches the stage door, facing me. I give him a dirty look, he doesn't care and follows K (the singer whom I have interest in). Next, the female singer approaches the stage door, also facing me. I wave to her, she gives me this strange look and follows K and T (the guitarist I am not fond of). I push down my feelings of being an outsider and focus on what my friend L and I are doing. Later, I mention to my guy friend G about what happened. He says to me, "You should definitely text him and tell him hello. That you didn't mean to ignore him." Well, I ended up not texting him in my dream, as I could not find the right words to express I had not seen him and my dream self was put off that he didn't bother to say hi to me, but had ignored me.

Now, I have to admit this dream is a little more unsettling than the dream I had about him several weeks ago. I dreamt he was coming out to my property where I'm building and asked for directions, which I drew a blank on and had trouble giving him. For some reason, dream K was not taking the ferry and was interested in seeing my half built house. Once he got there, I discovered it was because he was having his first grandchild being born at Harrison. Now, in real time, K is quite a bit older than me... but not THAT old! And to the best of my knowledge, he does not have kids. Of course, we have not talked about anything that deep, really. Still, I would figure a man who has 2 jobs during the week and plays in a band almost every weekend wouldn't have kids, let alone grandchildren! Where the age difference doesn't bother me at all, if he had kids, it would. In fact, it just might be a deal breaker...