Running

Strange dream last night... I woke up disturbed. LOL, seems every time I date a guy; for the first 3 to 4 months (if I let him stick around that long), he occupies my dreams as my subconscious tries to keep up with the conscious anxieties/discomforts, etc. And, other than the occasional sexual dream, these initial dreams are rarely positive, though they can often be neutral.

This dream was not neutral.

I dreamt I was camping somewhere that had a lot of madrona trees. Not big madrona trees, but small, scraggly ones. I was roaming through them, waiting for Double A (the man I'm dating) to show up. I was not excited to see him... I was mostly nervous and apprehensive. I was lost in thought, wandering through the madrona woods, wondering what it would be like to uproot one and run with it.

I came into a clearing that I recognized... My friend J's old place. It was her property from when I was growing up, though there was a different house on it and the horse pastures were bigger, with more hills and a different set up. I was amazed to find she had 7 or 8 horses, plus several foals as I briefly pondered if she was boarding horses for extra income. My thoughts of Double A gone, I wandered into the pasture and proceeded to pet some of the horses, who seemed happy to see me.

I glanced up and saw Double A approaching where I was standing, stroking a foal on its head. He smiled as he approached. I gave a shy smile back and exited the pasture. We entered J's house and I was finally experiencing excitement at seeing him. He stood in the kitchen, me in the dining room and there was a half wall between us. He leaned over the halfwall and explained to me that him and his family were moving to Alaska. I felt devastation welling up inside of me as he explained why... something about this area making his parents sick and that they had packed up the motorhome. He leaned over the halfwall to give me a kiss... our last kiss.

Realizing this is goodbye without warning, I turned away from him and ran. I ran out of the house, across the pasture and back into the madrona woods. I was surprised to notice he was chasing me, as my fear of him catching upscared the shit out of me because I was crying and I did not want him to see me cry. I tried to pick up my pace, tried to outrun him as I remembered him mentioning he used to be a runner and knowing it was futile, that he was going to catch up to me. I reached the thick of the woods, just as Double A reached out and grasped my wrist.

This was when I woke up, so I have no idea how the dream ended.