Restless

I tossed and turned all night long. Had several dreams, a couple about K. Bet you're wondering if all the dreams I post about are going to be about K. Answer is a definite NO. The only reason they all seem to be about K right now is because he seems to be what my subconscious likes to throw at me when I'm unconscious and it has control over me. I plan on posting whatever dreams I have and possibly my past dreams, as well. I have a knack for remembering a lot of them... especially the ones which really affect me or have come true in one aspect or another.

In any case, a couple of dreams about K last night. First, there was the one where he and I got together again. We were on the hotel room bed up in MV, where I stay for work, messing around. I wanted him to take me so bad, but he ignored my requests, just like he did earlier this month, when we first got together. He was on top of me, but refused to enter and climaxed on my torso. In the dream I slapped my hands down in frustration and in real life woke up to hearing myself mutter "what the hell? I'm so disappointed."

Ended up going right back to sleep, slipping back into a similar dream. We were sitting on the couch at the MV hotel, I asked where this was going. Dream K told me he wants to date and see where this goes. He then asked me to come to one of his shows and I told him I was not comfortable, but wanted to support him. Suddenly, I'm at the casino where we last saw them perform. The line is so long, it's out the front door. I walk up to the person letting people in as others leave and ask if she knows my name. She tells me K said to let me in and I was stumped. I walk into the lounge area and he approaches me and is very attentive.

Sure was the opposite end of the spectrum from the dream I had when I took my nap after Black Friday shopping. I think this last dream was inspired by the heart to heart I had with my best friend L yesterday over a glass of wine. She still doesn't trust K is genuine. She still thinks he's hanging around because this is once again easy for him and she has let me know her opinion is not going to change until she sees him interact with me outside the venue of his performances. I doubt this will happen anytime soon, if ever. I've invited him out with us a couple times, but both requests have been completely ignored. I'm okay with it, this is a bit too early for me to expect him to want to make an appearance among my friends. And if when I ask him where this is going (sometime in January), then I will probably be walking away if L was right and he does just see this as friends with benefits. Not that I expect an instant relationship, but to at least have the potential for it to go somewhere is a must. The dreams can be damned, I've dealt with them before. Used to dream about W all the time, back when we were seeing each other eight years ago. Then things got overly complicated and we had to go our separate ways. The frequency of the dreams tend to wear off with distance, before they just completely fade away into the mist of general indifference...

My Nap

My crazy ass got up at 2 AM on a Black Friday, after only a few hours of sleep so I could freeze my durf off waiting in line outside Best Buy for two hours. So you can understand my desire to hit the sheets again once I got home. Now, I've been on 3 dates with this guy whom I've run into again after 6 years of no contact... with the only contact all those years ago being nothing but a hookup after his shows (he's in a band that is retiring at the end of this year). Anyway, I've been unsure of if this is just a bootycall outside the venue of his performances or if we are actually dating, though I've been leaning toward the latter.

Apparently, my uncertainty is getting the better of my subconscious, as I just had a dream where my friend L and I were at the venue where we saw him and I obtained his number last month. In my dream, she and I were putting together some sort of Flashcards and I had no idea he was there. As I was sorting through what we had cut up so far and was talking with various different people, I see his back to me as he heads towards the stage door. He says not a word, nor does he look over in my direction, all I see is his back. I'm perplexed and feeling on the spot, as I wonder if I should have been more observant, noticed him prior to his having to take the stage and said hello. Prior to last month, I was always the one who had to approach him. Next, the guitarist, whom I am not fond of, approaches the stage door, facing me. I give him a dirty look, he doesn't care and follows K (the singer whom I have interest in). Next, the female singer approaches the stage door, also facing me. I wave to her, she gives me this strange look and follows K and T (the guitarist I am not fond of). I push down my feelings of being an outsider and focus on what my friend L and I are doing. Later, I mention to my guy friend G about what happened. He says to me, "You should definitely text him and tell him hello. That you didn't mean to ignore him." Well, I ended up not texting him in my dream, as I could not find the right words to express I had not seen him and my dream self was put off that he didn't bother to say hi to me, but had ignored me.

Now, I have to admit this dream is a little more unsettling than the dream I had about him several weeks ago. I dreamt he was coming out to my property where I'm building and asked for directions, which I drew a blank on and had trouble giving him. For some reason, dream K was not taking the ferry and was interested in seeing my half built house. Once he got there, I discovered it was because he was having his first grandchild being born at Harrison. Now, in real time, K is quite a bit older than me... but not THAT old! And to the best of my knowledge, he does not have kids. Of course, we have not talked about anything that deep, really. Still, I would figure a man who has 2 jobs during the week and plays in a band almost every weekend wouldn't have kids, let alone grandchildren! Where the age difference doesn't bother me at all, if he had kids, it would. In fact, it just might be a deal breaker...